I'm a bit of a mess.
I had a blog post rolling around in my head last week about "coming down the home stretch," i.e. approaching my due date (which is this coming Sunday, April 21). I got caught up in finishing one last freelancing project and other things, and never got to write it.
Then Monday came along, and after the bombings at the Boston Marathon, "coming down the home stretch" didn't seem appropriate. (I know that's a horse racing term, but still.)
I never wrote about Newtown. I won't really write about Boston. Both of those events made me wonder what kind of world I'm bringing BabyD into. But I am trying to focus more on the positive - the people who helped, the stories of courage. I have to, for my own peace of mind and so that I can imbue BabyD with confidence and optimism.
Today, I'm a bit of a mess for other reasons.
I had my weekly checkup. I am at 39 weeks and two days, and there's been no "action" - no contractions, nothing. The doctor did tell me I've dropped some, and I'm dilated a wee bit (probably about .5 cm).
And then she hit me with, "we're going to schedule an induction for Sunday night."
Remember how my blood pressure was up about halfway through the pregnancy? Well, it had settled down for awhile, but over the last few weeks it started to yo-yo. The lower number crept up, then back down. Today, the upper number was up but the lower number was fine. But this yo-yoing is enough of a concern that the doctor wanted to schedule the induction. Without the BP problems, she said, we'd wait for 41 weeks, but because of it, she felt better scheduling the induction rather than taking the chance of the BP spiking or anything like that.
Hence my mess. I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now. There's a part of me that's like, OK, now I know when BabyD's going to arrive (assuming s/he doesn't up and arrive before induction... which, you know, as persnickety as his/her mother is, s/he may be as well, so it is a possibility. :-) ). But then there's part of me that's disappointed that we don't get to experience the whole "hey honey, it's time!" And there's part of me that's freaked out by induction - is this going to up my chances of a c-section? Is this going to hurt worse? (I suck at pain, I admit it. Joe already knows I am not too proud to ask for drugs during labor.) Is this all going to be OK for BabyD? Oh, and am I ready for all of this?
As I said to Joe when we left the doctor's office - come hell or high water, by this time next week, BabyD will be here!